I suspect a lot of us know the feeling of wanting to make changes in our lives. Certainly I do! Sometimes we may want to renovate our habits from the studs.
We make resolutions every new year to change ourselves into a better version and vision of who we are.
But we can all too easily fall into the trap of trying to make all the changes we want to see in ourselves at one time.
This is setting ourselves up for failure―change is difficult. Habits are by their nature hard to break.
Our best chance of making meaningful change successfully is to start very, very small.
Make ourselves think: “Baby steps, self! Take baby steps!”
Take one tiny aspect of what we do that contributes to one habit we want to change. Something relatively easy to change, something that only takes a minute or three.
If we’ve been, for example, a couch potato for years, we shouldn’t try to rush into scheduling exercise classes or running every day. We might make it through the first week, or even two, but it’s likely we won’t keep it up for long. We’ll be both exhausted and frustrated―both significant anti-incentives.
Instead, let’s try putting on our athletic shoes every day, and walking down the steps of our porch. Then walk back up into our house.
When that’s become a real habit, we can try walking to the end of the block and back.
And gradually, once each stage of change has become so habitual we don’t even think about it, and just do it, we move the needle to the next stage toward our goal.
We are much more likely to find ourselves running a marathon by building up to that goal very, very slowly, making sure we entrench each step of change as we progress.
Do we want to meditate on a daily basis? Let’s start with a few deep, mindful breaths. And breathe them every day.
At work, do we want to encourage ourselves to empower our team members to make decisions―and not make them all on our own? We can assign one decision to one team member. Next day, we can assign another category and instance of decision to a different team member.
This way, we work up to ultimate goal slowly, but we have a better chance of getting where we want to get, and being who and how we want to be. And, having got to that point via slow and steady incorporation of small changes over time, we are far likelier to stay where we want to be. To maintain our new habit over the course of time.
At least, until we start working―slowly, mindfully―on the next habit we want to change.
Remember, the hare lost the race to the tortoise. Overconfidence often comes with a large, maybe at first hidden, penalty attached.
So does impatience.
I know, believe me, that we may chafe at the pace of our progress―I have, and still do, all too often. But if we want lasting change, small and slow are the better way for us to begin, in order to achieve our goals, and make that achievement a sustainable habit.
Let’s think of how good barbecue tastes when it’s been cooked very slowly over a long period of time.
And of how tough and unpalatable the same meat would be if we tried to cook it quickly.
We need to accept small successes, before we can grow to succeed on a larger scale.
Perfectionism is our enemy, patience and kindness with ourselves are our friends.
Patience is a virtue―patience with ourselves as well as with others. The word “virtue” originally meant “power.” The “virtue” of a medicine is that it works to heal us of an illness.
So, let’s virtuously implement our baby steps toward the changes we want to see in ourselves. Let’s be patient with, and kind to, ourselves, as we gradually progress toward our goals.
Incidentally, this will also lead us toward establishing habits of more patience, more kindness, which we will then extend toward others as well more reliably.
That’s a great lagniappe!
How do you implement lasting change in your life?
Please click here to email me directly―I’d love to hear your stories―please share them with me.
Until next time―
Peace,
Eric
